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Denver, Colorado, United States

Friday, March 30, 2012

Change of Plans....Again!



"Men are all alike...except for the one you've met who's different." --- Mae West

First off, let me apologize for my lack of recent posts but since my tumble my already chaotic life has gone into a tailspin.  Plans have been made, and changed, so many times that I'm to the point where I just need a break!!!

The ranch dream, for one, is being put on hold.  I have decided to move to town for a while and to regroup. The dream is still there, and stronger than ever, but the reality is I don't have the energy to overcome all the obstacles that have come my way.  For now, my dream is to return to my own little place, spend time with my furry children, and to work (single handedly, lol) on overcoming my own self doubt.  For so long, my focus has been on doing everything by myself...I didn't want anyone else to share the credit for what I had accomplished...the accomplishments were mine!  That's yet another thing that was lost in the accident.  I don't want to do it all alone anymore.  The ranch is still my dream, but now there is more to it, I want someone to come home to (figuratively speaking).  I want to share my dreams...and my accomplishments.

Those of you that know me well, may think..."what is she saying?"  "Is she ready to settle down?"  The answer is "Hell no!".  What I'm saying is I'm tired of doing things on my own.  I'll give you an example.  Last week, as I usually do the week before Sara's bithday, I celebrated "All About Me Week".  A whole week of self pampering...massage, facial, manicure, pedicure and a couple of nights in a fancy hotel.  All the things that Sara loved...a celebration of her life.  The pamering part was amazing but, ultimately, when the pampering ended the reality was I went to dinner, happy hour, and back to my room alone.  As I sat at the table, having my complimentary margarita, I looked around...everyone else was paired (or at least grouped) up.  I thought to myself  "this sucks!  I don't want to do this anymore." 

What I want, is someone I enjoy being around who feels the same way about me.  It doesn't have to be a whirlwind romance, a "soul mate", or Mr. Marriage Material...all I'm asking for is someone who is looking for the same.  Someone who I could go away with for the weekend or simply sit around on the couch and do nothing with and be just as happy.  My only other requirement is that they aren't looking for the same with every girl they meet...I am a little old fashioned that way. 

I've had many friends, co-workers, and family members tell me to "give it up, you won't find what you're looking for" or my favorite "they're all alike".  I refuse to think that way.  Give up and you are assured to not find what you want.  I have to believe there is at least one person, who thinks like me, out there.