About Me

My photo
Denver, Colorado, United States

Monday, October 15, 2012

Crazy Perfect

"People throw away what they could have by insisting on perfection, which they cannot have, and looking for it where they will never find it."---Edith Schaeffer


Take a look at the top two pictures above.  Notice anything "missing" in the second picture?  I posted this quote on my Facebook page last night and I've decided to "Step Outside My Comfort Zone."   The first picture I took at the ranch and posted it right after I took it.  The second, after realizing that my arm (or lack of) could be seen, was never posted.  I didn't appear perfect...so it didn't appear anywhere...until now.

I always thought perfectionism was a good thing.  Recently, however, I've started to see how damaging it can be.  I wonder (or obsess, like so many perfectionists do) about things that I missed out on because of my waiting for the ideal time, place, or situation to occur.  I can think of several in just the last year...

One that truly stands out.  Turning down an invitation for a weekend away because "it wasn't enough time"...I wanted to wait until I could get a week...a missed opportunity I'll always regret

To make matters worse, not two months later I do almost the same thing...and again, I believe, that ship has sailed as well.  Why did I turn down the offer this time???  Stupid perfectionism on my part.  I needed time to prepare...to build myself up to the standards I thought were necessary to impress this person.  I could go on and on...but I don't want to leave you all with, mouths hanging open, looks of disbelief in your eyes, thinking "seriously, what's wrong with this girl?"  I do enough of that for all of us.

I've read all these books trying to explain why I do the things I do.  One rather enlightening book,  The Birth Order Book, says all Oldest Children are this way and even breaks us down into two categories...The Controller and The Pleaser.  I have the great pleasure of being a Perfectionist and a Pleaser (sarcasm).  Not only do I have to be perfect for myself, I feel the need to make everyone else perfectly happy too (yippee). 

Why, you might ask, is she telling us this?  It's simple.

I'm scared. 

I've started not doing things because I'm afraid it won't be good enough.  It won't live up to the unrealistic standards I have set for myself.  THAT really scares me.  I've always had that in me, even as a kid I would obsess over stupid things, but it has been magnified over this last year.  I find myself trying harder than ever to maintain the illusion of perfection and having even a harder time keeping up with it. 

I just want to be IMPERFECT and not afraid that anyone will care.  By showing you my "flaws" and "imperfections", I'm taking steps to escape the crazy lady in my head :)  I'm stepping outside my "comfort
zone".

AND next time I'm invited to go anywhere...I'll say... "Screw perfect timing...I'll be there!"






4 comments:

  1. Hmmm. I'm surprised...no comments. I was hoping for some feedback. Anyone else do the same thing? Afraid to admit it? Hoping it would
    bring other perfectionists out of the closet :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. OK,OK here's my comment....take advice from Sara. She had her "imperfections" but she did not let that stop her. A limp from knee, thigh, and hip replacement, she was out there keeping up with her friends, even on crutches at times. Visible scars on her leg, chest and back...She wore really really short shorts, tank tops and bikinis. Bald head, yeah she wore a wig but there was times she would just whip that thing off and say, "I'm freakin' hot" not caring what we would say. (That was pretty funny too!) With all of these "imperfections" she went to Prom, College, out with her friend, traveled with you, took multiple pictures of herself and posted them for everyone to see. She wasn't imperfect...she was unique, as we all are.
    Therefore, so are you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Good point, she didn't care, she was still adorable, and everyone loved her...even with all her imperfections. (Oh, and thanks for making me cry BTW)

    ReplyDelete
  4. "Action is the blossom of thought, and joy and suffering are its fruits; thus do we garner both the sweet and bitter harvest of our own plantings." (James Allen, As a Man Thinketh)

    If something feels right, it is right. If something feels wrong, it is wrong. Next time, seize the brass ring.

    ReplyDelete